Coming of Age in the Aquarian

a dusting of snow

Journal Entry Date: 23 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
"Death carries away people engrossed in sensual pleasures, in the same way that a flood will sweep away a sleeping village." --Flowers, verses 47 & 48 (Crosweller, Buddhist Wisdom Daily Reflections, p.308)

Brought to eye/mind today:
>>Snow
>>Scissors flashing as my hair was being cut

Thank you, Lord, for a good haircut.

Journal:

• Worked on Dolphinmoon.net banner-logo for webpage. I always mean to keep it simple, but inevitably it becomes more complex and flashy.


• No Tillamook at Costco again, only Kirkland, which tastes vaguely like paper. Notice there is an increasing amount of Kirkland products in the store. Time to look seriously at joining Sam's?


• Watched "Collateral Damage." Is Ahnold human, after all?

karma, karma, karma, chameleon

Journal Entry Date: 22 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
"The mills of the gods grind exceedingly slow, but they grind exceedingly fine." --adapted from an ancient Greek saying [to me it's referring to karma]

Brought to eye/mind today:
Still ice on the puddles at the end of the day; winter is sidling in this year.

Thank you, Lord, for this week done.

Journal:

• Helped with serving food and collecting the money for lunch, served during the United Way campaign, Texas Hold'Em playoff. Someone asked for directions to the restroom and I walked her to the first junction. On the way she said, "I get lost here because I can't see outside." For some reason I momentarily got hung on the words, as if they contained a great mystery.


• To expedite getting a mailing to Fairbanks, took it to the post office. While standing in line, got to thinking about the psychology of following. When you're not first in line, you can stand there and vege out. But when it's your turn, you have to be alert and poll all the stations for the one that opens up next.

Viva la revolution

Journal Entry Date: 21 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
It seems to me that government opts more and more often to legislate in favor of special interests at the expense of the general, taxpaying public. This could be deemed taxation without representation. And that's one of the issues that fueled the Revolutionary War.

Brought to eye/mind today:
>>An offering of doughnuts by the company CEO
>>A spiraling pattern of droplets generated by a drop of water on my shoe

Thank you, Lord, for new and pretty baubles (cheap earrings).

Journal:

• At work a flap over documentation not done yet. Took responsibility with "the ball's in my court."


• Kit the cat's health is failing. She's on antibiotics because of blood in her urine. I have trouble with spending more for a cat's health needs than for my own.


• top@tredgf.com, the spammer, is back.

To observe or be part of is today's question

Journal Entry Date: 20 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
"Dig up and destroy the root of desire if you do not want temptation to control your life." --Desires, verse337 (Crosweller, Buddhist Wisdom Daily Reflections, p.305)

On my mind today:
How to handle the TIME article read yesterday. What to do about it. Anything? Nothing? Let it pass?

Thank you, Lord, for Echinacea and all the many healing herbs.

Journal:

• At work more jobs that must be done now. Beginning to feel everyone wants a piece of me.


• Working on reassembling a manual that was scanned in parts, got very confused.


• Had a headache most of the day, sinus. For me, they're rare.

"Who Left the Door Open?"

Journal Entry Date: 19 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
"If there is not open wound on your hand, then no infection can harm you. Similarly no harm will come to you if you undertake no harmful actions." --Bad Conduct, verse 124 (Crosweller, Buddhist Wisdom Daily Reflections, p.304)

Brought to eye/mind today:
Woke thinking of speaking up, speaking out, taking a stand--but part of me prefers neutrality, evenness. I know that what is wrong must be challenged, else it likely will not be set right. But who's to decide what's wrong and what's right? I think one can only go by a righteous anger that springs up when injustice is encountered.

Thank you, Lord, guiding my ways.

Journal:

• At lunch, while reading TIME magazine (20 September 2004 issue), came across an article titled "Who Left the Door Open?".
  
  NOTE: I'm working on getting a copy to post here.
  
  Please read it.
  

  To summarize its contents:
  >>The residents of Arizona and New Mexico are under seige. Millions of illegal aliens are pouring across the border--on foot, in cars, in busses, in cabs. The quality of life for Americans living in the area has gone down the toilet.
  >>The US government is requiring agencies in the area to provide services for the illegals without aiding with the cost, so that American citizens--who live there, work, pay taxes and vote--are receiving less and less care.
  >>American companies are promising the illegals jobs and facilitating their illegal entry.
  >>There's more--this article presents many of the things that just aren't working in American today.



• Attended a class on mobile wireless technologies.


• Banned another spammer with no manners and a lot of persistence--top@tredgf.com linking to http://www.poker-texas-hold-em.info

Phasing out what no longer serves

Journal Entry Date: 18 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
"It is hard to live in the world and hard to live outside it. It is difficult to live with those who revel in the world and difficult not to have a permanent home. Be at peace and your suffering will end." --Other Things, verse 302 (Crosweller, Buddhist Wisdom Daily Reflections, p.303)

Brought to eye/mind today:
Time, especially limited time

Thank you, Lord, for my getting things done in time. Also for guiding me toward the right decision.

Journal:

• At work, refused a task because of other, more pressing, ones. Seem to be getting more and more jobs with deadlines.


• Yesterday, I decided not to wear my off-beat dance-hall girl costume and called myself chicken for not wearing it. Today, one by one the reasons why I would have worn it evaporated. Checking with the security guy, he said he didn't need for me to sign people in. Checking with others working on the United Way Texas Hold'Em project, I learned that my help wasn't needed. So I contentedly sat at my desk and ate my lunch in peace, my dignity intact.


• After work bought my new bed. Have been planning this purchase for over a year and waiting for the PFD (Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend) to be deposited. My old bed is 30 years old and has a permanent dent in the middle with the springs coming through. My new bed is a futon on a wooden frame that can be a bed or, when folded in the middle, a sofa.

Chickening out

Journal Entry Date: 17 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
"There are six types of perception: form, sound, smell, taste, touch and ideas. But what does one perceive?" --Anguttara Nikaya (Crosweller, Buddhist Wisdom Daily Reflections, p.302)

Brought to eye/mind today:
Unfinished painting that I put aside some time ago, because I didn't have a clear idea of where I was going with it. Its title is "Windows-Mirror-Lake."

Thank you, Lord, for a quiet and restful day.

Journal:

• Put aside "Windows-Mirror-Lake," because I didn't have a clear idea of where I was going with it. Looking at it now, I can see the top part mostly in sepia tones and the bottom--the lake--in full, deep color. Seems like I came to this same conclusion before.


• Worked on "Beyond Biology." Thinking of retitling it--maybe "Swan Song" or "Movin' On." Feels like it's done.


• Decided not to dress in costume tomorrow, will wear jeans and a western shirt. Well, at least I have a costume for Halloween now.

Blades of grass, all of us

Journal Entry Date: 16 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
"As a blade of grass can cut your finger, so an improper life by a so-called renunciant will only cause greater suffering." --Hell, verse 311 (Crosweller, Buddhist Wisdom Daily Reflections, p.301)

Brought to eye/mind today:
>>Thinking of the sensuousness of yesterday's massage
>>Idea for an article titled "Will the real God step forward or my God is better than your God."

Thank you, Lord, for helping me find what is needed.

Journal:

• Shopping for Texas Hold'em costume. No lace-up boots available in town ($70 for a possibly one-time thing is excessive, anyway). Found a waist-cincher that is somewhat like a bustier, but not as uncomfortable at WalMart (a saleslady at Nordstrom's suggested WalMart). Found feather boas at Party Town.


• Shopping online for MLF's birthday present. Found just the right things at Barnes & Noble, but caught in a go-around with the check-out. It won't accept the password I have and I can't create a new profile because it recognizes my email address.


• Permanent Fund Dividend received this week.

Shady Lane Spa

Journal Entry Date: 15 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
"Speak little, speak only good and do not judge. Be moderate in food consumption and sleep. Follow your practice. These are the words of the Buddha." --The Buddha, verse 185 (Crosweller, Buddhist Wisdom Daily Reflections, p.300)

Brought to eye/mind today:
A quiet spot beyond the jangle of the city...

Thank you, Lord and Marrianne, for time off from the usual routine.

Journal:

• At work, we're ramping up for United Way campaign week. Our department plans a Texas Hold'em Poker tournament. Sue was asked to act as the madam for the casino and to collect money for additional chips and cards; Ursula volunteered to cook lunch two days, and I was told to sign in players coming into the building. Sue and Ursula bought dance-hall girl costumes; I came up with an idea for putting a costume together.


• Tonight is spa night on Shady Lane (Marrianne's house). Christine cooked marvelous things like two kinds of quiche, and skewered chicken with peanut sauce (with fresh-grated ginger root), and much more. Peggy massaged our cares away. Kathy gave us pedicures and manicures. And Anne Marie and her two sidekicks sang for us.

moose on a wire

Journal Entry Date: 14 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
Everything in life has its price, whether in time, energy, money, or emotional toll. Be clear, choose wisely.

Brought to eye/mind today:
Received via email a picture of a moose hanging by its front legs on a high wire. Apparently workmen were laying wire and when they raised it, the moose was snagged.

Thank you, Doreen, for thoughtful care at the dentist's office.

Journal:

• Had lunch with my department head at work. It was my official opportunity to have my say; didn't have much to air. We managed to carry on a conversation the whole while.


• Then on to a dental appointment. Doreen, the dentist's assistant, made sure that I was comfortable. My job was to hold the low-volume suction tube in place. I think I did well.


• Ursula, the administrative assistant, bought me a gel pad to ease the wrist.


• While exercising at Curves on a machine that drives up the heart rate, just stopped--couldn't move. Realized I had been going too fast; heart was pumping away. The body has its own wisdom.

Belly fat

Journal Entry Date: 13 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
"If you have the good fortune to find a wise teacher, then follow him or her and let them reveal hidden spiritual treasures. You can only benefit from this." --The Wise Person, verse 76 (Crosweller, Buddhist Wisdom Daily Reflections, p.298)

Brought to eye/mind today:
There's a bush with small leaves that is often trimmed into hedges that turns the most beautiful red, delicately toned with brown, in autumn. Don't know what it's called and maybe don't want to know. That way each autumn I can rediscover it when it changes color.

Thank you, Lord, for clarity w.r.t. projects.

Journal:

• Today called into a conference of the the girls invited to spa night. They were doubtful about attending. We talked it over and decided yes. We parted with "We're all in this together," half as warning not to back out. I was joyed at being one of the girls.


• Heard about a hormone that diminishes belly fat. Sounds like a good idea, but would bet there's something toxic about it.

doppler shift

Journal Entry Date: 12 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
"Speak gently to everyone and they will respond accordingly. Harsh words hurt, and you will get them thrown back in your face." --Retribution, verse 133 (Crosweller, Buddhist Wisdom Daily Reflections, p.297)

Brought to eye/mind today:
1. An image of two large black masses separated by a white space. A colored line moves upward along the edge of the right mass. Its color on the leading edge shifts to the red end of the spectrum (doppler shift). Could be a painting.
2. Today a sense of being trapped in the physical dimension and struggling, pushing against its boundaries. Am clumsy lately.

Thank you, Ursula for the gel pad to rest the wrist of my mouse-hand on.

Journal:

• When I woke this morning and went downstairs, the front door was standing open and the furnace was going full bore. This happened once before, I think.


• Worked late again and didn't go to exercise.


• Had a sense that allowing and appreciating the natural harmony of one's existence is the path to enlightenment.

the doctor will see you now

Journal Entry Date: 11 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
One who is wise knows each choice bears responsibility and prays for guidance.

Brought to eye/mind today:
Miniature albino catfish in an aquarium. They're always busy.

Thank you, for my chiropractor's magic.

Journal:

• Gave up and went to the chiropractor.


• After work a family of moose--mother, father and one calf, visited my backyard. The female walked into the middle of the yard, then saw me looking at her through the glass door, paused and gave out a braying wail, then bolted--almost running over her mate. Am I that scary?


• Spam is becoming more and more insidious--emails mentioning names of friends; false URLS. Then there's the porno; it's like someone coming to your front door and flashing you when you answer--and worse.

A thousand small globs of light

Journal Entry Date: 10 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
"The novice will only realize suffering when the fruits of his or her bad deeds are born. Untill then everything will be sweet as honey. Even though they may fast assiduously, it means nothing if they don't understand truth." --The novice, verses 69 & 70 (Crosweller, Buddhist Wisdom Daily Reflections, p.295)

Brought to eye/mind today:
Many droplets of water hanging from the leaves of the lilac bush outside and each one catching the light.

Thank you, for information about Islam in TIME.

Journal:

• What I did today:
  >>Read a lesson from AMORC and meditated
  >>Dusted and vacuumed
  >>Read TIME magazine
  >>Cooked dinner
  >>Spilled a glass of red wine all over the coffee table, MLF's book back and the rug
  
• Since vacuuming, back hurts as well as wrist. May I never buy another vacuum like this one again.
  

Pain, pain go away

Journal Entry Date: 9 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
Some pain sharpens consciousness and helps focus; too much dulls. Coming to terms with painful experiences helps one learn detachment and grow spiritually.

Brought to eye/mind today:
Pain in wrist is constant now. Asked MLF to help me with the grocery shopping.

Thank you, Lord, for Michael's help. (Yes, I remembered to thank Michael, too.)

Journal:

• Checked internet
  >>for information on Ahnold's height--some say he's tall, some say short. Most internet references say he's 6'2"; they could be copying each other.
  >>Checked out casting resin for artwork and learned that it's considered a hazardous substance and can't be shipped by air. So I'll have to buy it locally and be sure the area where I use it is well-ventilated.
  >>Found information on an Alaskan bank that I'm thinking of moving my checking account to; it looks O.K.


• Worked with Hrunting, the other machine. Set up new versions of TurboCad and Norton Avirus.

A little hedonism, anyone?

Journal Entry Date: 8 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
"If someone decries your faith, your belief, don't allow anger to take control." --Brahmajala Sutta (Crosweller, Buddhist Wisdom Daily Reflections, p.293)

Brought to eye/mind today:
Mastadon tusks in a shop window

Thank you, Lord, for escorts on my way back to my vehicle.

Journal:

• Overslept til 6:50, due at work at 8:15. Made it. Thanks, again.


• At work locked in combat with VBscript.


• MB invited all the girls in our department to spa night at her house on Shady Lane. We'll get massages, our nails done, and watch a movie and eat. Sounds awfully hedonistic to me, but I guess I can give it a try.


• Dinner at the Brewhouse. Very nice. In conversation called the 2nd Dune movie "cerebral" and the 1st "symbolic"--why not "emotional", or "religious"?

Light to the eye vs. the mind's light

Journal Entry Date: 7 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
Self-denial is not necessarily virtuous; balance is.

Brought to eye/mind today:
>>TV shows where human skeletal remains are found
>>Math--when deep into studying and using it, I lost my verbal skills.

Thank you, Lor for small mysteries.

Journal:

• Wrist really hurting in the morning, all better in the afternoon.
  
• Finally resumed entries to blog; two made on 7 Oct for 29 Sept. They're being reported now--on 14 October. Confused yet?
  
• Looked all through Ammons work for lines referring to light; but used excerpts from "Corsons Inlet" in the end. Because it's my favorite and I find it illuminating.
  

permutations

Journal Entry Date: 6 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
"You are what you think. Pain will follow bad thoughts as certain as happiness will follow good ones." --The Opposites, verses 1&2 (Crosweller, Buddhist Wisdom Daily Reflections, p.291)

Brought to eye/mind today:
>(2^n)-2 eliminates the permutations that are all ones and all zeroes. (I can speak nerd, too)
>Each autumn, for a few days, when the birch and aspen leaves turn to bright yellow and begin to fall, it looks like scatterings of bright gold coins and my eye is delighted.

Thank you, Lord, for some math to work on.

Journal:

• Wrist still hurting.


• In TCP/IP class today we learned to calculate subnet mask addresses. It was fun to do some math again--trotting out an old skill and still knowing how to do it.


• Pants done, but falling behind on blog. Everything has its price.

4 octets for www plus

Journal Entry Date: 5 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
"Live in accord with nature, and if you see things as they really are there will be no wanting in your life. This will give you detachment." --Anguttara Nikaya (Crosweller, Buddhist Wisdom Daily Reflections, p.290)

Brought to eye/mind today:
Remembering a photo or printout that artist H. Quinn had tacked up on the wall--a series of peaks like a trace on an oscilloscope in an intense blue. Seems it would fit in work in progress, "3 Unknowns."

Thank you, Lord, for a break from my desk.

Journal:

• At work, spent most of the day in TCP/IP class. An IP address is 4 octets (8 bits or a byte) and in binary. Extranet server Aspen is down.


• Second quote on pipe repair is $199.00--now need a third.


• Hemming slacks to wear out to dinner Friday; the company is feeding us.

A long, slowly curving line

Journal Entry Date: 4 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
"The unconscious in us warns us that in art we have to follow one particular path. And if we follow it, it is not the sign of an unconscious act. On the contrary, it shows that there is in our ordinary consciousness a greater awareness of our unconsciousness." --Piet Mondrian, Dutch painter (Chambers DICTIONARY OF QUOTATIONS, p.699:42

Brought to eye/mind today:
Long, slowly curving line with small dots along one side of it, randomly grouped.

Thank you, Lord, for this day being over.

Journal:

• Medit: in line with Earth's axis and rotating with it, arms crossed, like a pig on a spit.


• Right wrist hurting today.


• Called State Farm to see if insurance will cover replacing the split pipe. Short answer--no. Long answer--you can file a claim, but it will raise your insurance. Why do I pay for insurance, again?


• Scanned A.R.Ammons "Gargage" again (I've spent hours now looking for the selection I had in mind). Might use this as the source for daily thoughts next year.


• At end of day with an hour left before bedtime, it was journal vs. ironing. Ironing won.

eye, mind, mind's eye

Journal Entry Date: 3 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
"Rise above the five obstacles* and be free of the five attachments**. This will lead you to the greatest happiness." --The Holy Person, verse 370 (Crosweller, Buddhist Wisdom Daily Reflections, p.288)

*"There are five obstacles to concentration: (1) agitation and regret (2) malicious thoughts, (3) sleep and sloth, (4) longing desire, and (5) doubt..."
--A View on Buddhism

**"five attachments = passion, aversion, delusion, conceit, views" --Vipassana Fellowship

Brought to eye/mind today:
Photographing deck and framing different shots, saw the impact of different compositions.

Thank you, Lord, for jobs done.

Journal:

• Cleaned up back yard and got things outside ready for winter. A nice, brisk day for labor.


• Have been feeling out-of-sorts since getting a flu shot; arm hurts still and it red and swollen at site of injection.


• Think I got some nice shots of the deck; will publish pics later.

chili and apple pie

Journal Entry Date: 2 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
"When you become enlightened, when your good deeds overcome bad, you will illuminate the world as the moon does when it breaks free from the clouds."
--The World, verses 172 & 173 (Crosweller, Buddhist Wisdom Daily Reflections, p.287)

Brought to eye/mind today:
Light sources and a simple numbering system to indicate color saturation w.r.t. level of light

Thank you, Lord for chili, apple pie and a good movie ("Man on Fire")

Journal:

• Called a plumbing company to check out the sump pump, because it had high pitched sound. The technician pointed out that the 2-inch pipe from the kitchen sink is splitting and quoted a large amount to replace it. Have to get quotes from other companies.


• Beginning to consider selling the house and going back to living in apartments. But every time I do, I remember moving 5 times in one year. Have lived here 11 years now. Just tired of always being behind in paying for the upkeep.


• Worked on "3 Unknowns," the digital version, for a while. Couldn't get into it, but did start working on how to conceptually work with light values.

meandering through prominances

Journal Entry Date: 1 Oct 2004

Thought for the Day:
I allow myself eddies of meaning:
yield to a direction of significance
running
like a stream through the geography of my work:
you can find
in my sayings
swerves of action
like the inlet's cutting edge:
there are dunes of motion,
organizations of grass, white sandy paths of remembrance
in the overall wandering of mirroring mind:
but Overall is beyond me: is the sum of these events
I cannot draw, the ledger I cannot keep, the accounting
beyond the account:

--A.R. Ammons, Corsons Inlet
(THE SELECTED POEMS, Expanded Edition, pp.43-44)

Brought to eye/mind today:
>>A woman knitting in a public place -- always reminds me of
the quillotine (A TALE OF TWO CITIES)
>>Angular, square lines changing to curvilinear lines meandering through prominances

Thank you, Lord, for waking me in time for work today and keeping me from harm.

Journal:

• Overslept this morning, no alarm sounded but woke in time to get to work on time. Time, time, time.


• First Friday today and finally some interesting artists--the art scene has been pretty flat and barren the last few months. Especially liked Molly Quinn's work with small pasta, eggshells, mung beans and resin.


• At the International Gallery of Contemporary Art encounterd an narrow, whitewashed hallway that felt constricted. It would be a good background in a painting.


• Doreen and I went to the Museum after completing our rounds for a glass of wine. She knitted and I looked around. Linda joined us later.


• On the way home I nearly rear-ended a little white car at the roundabout.

that you may go beyond this world

Journal Entry Date: 30 Sept 2004

Thought for the Day:
"In the same way that a florist chooses the right flowers for a garland, so you must make the right choice for your own spiritual path, in order that you may go beyond this world--beyond the world of death and beyond the world of the gods." --Flowers, verses 44 & 45 (Crosweller, Buddhist Wisdom Daily Reflections, p.285)

Brought to eye/mind today:
One windshield wiper squeaking--thump, eeeeh, thump, eeeeh, thump, eeeeh.

Thank you, Roger, for sharing the workload so eagerly and cheerfully.

Journal:

• Tried to oil the noisy wiper; not sure I was successful and not about to hang around in the rain to test it.


• MLF yelling at the game he's playing.


• Ran into a spider web when entering the utility room. Beginning to feel the spiders with the Pippi Longstocking legs are stalking me.


• Very tired today.

The news to my left...

Journal Entry Date: 29 Sept 2004

Thought for the Day:
the news to my left over the dunes and
reeds and bayberry clumps was
fall: thousands of tree swallows
gathering for flight:
an order held
in constant change: a congregation
rich with entropy; nevertheless, separable, noticeable
as one event,
not chaos: preparations for
flight from winter,
cheet, cheet, cheet, cheet, wings rifling the green clumps,
beaks
at the bayberries
a perception full of wind, flight, curve,
sound:
the possibility of rule as the sum of rulelessness;
the "field" of action
with moving, incalculable center:

--A.R. Ammons, Corsons Inlet
(THE SELECTED POEMS, Expanded Edition, p.45)

Brought to eye/mind today:
The beauty of Ammon's work, the clarity he evokes.

Thank you, Lord, for alternate routes.

Journal:

• Had a lovely little lunch at D.R.'s place. Usually it's popcorn, a serving of protein, and a can of V-8--all tasty and welcome, when you're hungry.


• At work MapInfo fixed.